The Battle

29 Jun

What is it you can see in the light?  Anything you choose to as far as the eye can see, I’d imagine.  What is it you want to see in the light?  I ask myself these questions as I type.  Most people, I think, would state that they want to see piles of money, bigger houses and bigger cars.  If you would have asked me a while back what I wanted to see in the light, I  probably would have said, “My private practice full of people needing help that I can give them.”  I still want that.  I still see that as my goal, my dream.  Less pretentious and less selfish, I would like to see happiness when I open my eyes.  I would like to see no hungry faces or homeless people.  I’d like to see and hear children’s laughter like they really mean it.  I would like to not experience all that darkness that can disorient me into heading into the wrong directions often.  The darkness.  There is a peace in it….sometimes.  I’m unsure of how realistic that peace is, though.  It is peaceful to me because it allows me to be isolated and invisible.  I know better that those are not traits of a healthy person on any level.  The darkness,  Feeling hands around your throat squeezing the last will to live right out of your body.  The darkness, helping you forget that your heart beating means something to someone else.  The darkness, hand to mouth with a split decision to make.  Remind me again of why I find such an admiration for the darkness.  I know what it is.  At least, I think I know.  How can I possibly appreciate what I see in the light without experiencing darkness?  Or, more like, how can I possibly appreciate  The Light without experiencing that Darkness?

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Posted by on June 29, 2011 in Uncategorized


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