Man……..I have so much trouble with this one. My dad had to be dead two years before my heart was able to forgive him. I now struggle with forgiving others who have wronged me in multiple ways. One in particular. My hesitation has always been that this person will continue to behave as she has. She has always denied things when confronted with her behaviors toward me. That’s been heartbreaking. It continues to be. I am praying so hard to be shown how to forgive her right now. I know forgiveness is not for the other person. I know it is to lighten the heaviness inside of me. I cannot ask for forgiveness from God if I am unable to forgive others. I just need so much guidance right now for this one. It is so very difficult. UGH!!!!
Monthly Archives: January 2012
I have no specific topic to write about today. I don’t think I do, at least. I just have been told in my heart to sit and begin to type. So, I am listening, and I am typing.
Now, I could sit here and write about injustices or how badly things have gone for me at one point or another. I do not believe that is my purpose today, and I hope it is not as it is just all about negativity. I have my fears and insecurities, but each day I try so hard to just give those things to my Father. They drag me down and are so time-consuming. I want to be able to write about something joyous. Something worthwhile. I have no idea what is going to leave my fingertips from one sentence to the other, but I continue to type because I was guided to do so. To some, this makes no sense. To me, it makes all the sense in the world. You do not have to like it. That does not concern me at this time. Maybe, today, I am just supposed to give you something to think about. Something outside of yourself.
Yesterday, I was told that I was the “child of a King”. As I heard those words, my heart began to beat faster, and my eyes filled with tears as those words would put me as some sort of “royalty”. SomeONE sees me as that. SomeONE believes in me enough that I was created by His hands. I was asked to see me through the King’s eyes. Dang! The best I could do is see my children as only I can. I see the perfection in them knowing that they are not perfect. I see the gift they are to this world knowing that they are mere human beings. I see their pain, and I feel it, too. I rejoice in their triumphs as they celebrate them. I have seen them break my rules, but I love them anyway. I see them doing things the hard way, and it breaks my heart that they choose to not listen and experience those things themselves. I type these things trying to fathom what pain, heartache, and joy I have caused the King who has set down rules for me. Rules I have broken many times over and over, yet He still loves me. His heart breaks when mine breaks. He rejoices in the good I find and allow myself to be involved in.
Why does He still love me?
He loves me because He created me with His own hands.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13
He loved us before we were born. He knew us before we were created, and He loved us.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5
I AM a child of a King. That alone makes me worthy and valuable. I cannot DO anything to make that love, worth, and value more, or less, than it already is. I just need to BE.
Just BE, children of the King. Just BE.
In all relationships, the idea of give and take is important. It’s necessary, even. In simple terms, give and take in a marriage might look like one spouse working while the other is staying home taking care of the children and all that includes. It might look like giving a spouse time to do what he/she would like to do independently as he/she would also give to you equally. In a friendship, give and take is similar. It is about being able to ask for what you need and want from your friend and also being able to give what that person needs in return. A relationship without give and take on an equal scale will not last. It just cannot survive.
Our relationship with God is no different. God has given us the ultimate gift, no doubt. However, He continues to give us grace, love, forgiveness, mercy, comfort, peace, and a long line of other basic needs. We often think, ok I have often thought, “What is it that I can give God that would make up for all that He has given me?” Um, we can NEVER repay God for all that has been given to us. However, to have a purposeful relationship with Him, we can give him the opportunity to come into our hearts and lives. He’s more than willing to take that opportunity. He will always be able to give us more than we can give to Him. He will love us regardless. He is so willing to take from us what troubles us the most. Being human, we always want to take that back as if we know how to handle it better than He does. (laugh track inserted here) I struggle every day with giving my troubles to God and allowing Him to keep them. I am very intentional in letting Him keep them as I have not done so great with them myself. As any parent, God wants to take His children’s hurts and fears and keep them and deal with them on His own, so that we do not have to. This is what a loving parent does. Give it to Him and do not take it back. He will take it and give you peace in return.
Give God your heart and take from Him the gift of eternal life.
We have all heard the saying that, “When it rains, it pours.” I was thinking about that saying when I was driving to work the other day. Then I had God on my mind and thought well isn’t it true enough that when He reigns, love pours? It made my heart smile to think about that. Who hasn’t experienced God’s love as He is the Father of all? His love feels like your favorite warm blanket covering you from head to toe on a cold night. So, I say, let it pour.
Nightmares completely destroyed me from 1:30am until 6:30am and then from 9:30am to noon-ish. The earlier portion sent me to a place that was just not ok. I was not grounded and needed to talk to someone. I texted my best friend telling her that I needed to process the nightmare. She texted me back and wanted to know things. I told her things. She suggested I take all of that to God. “Go take a God shower,” she said. I take them often, and I talk to God in the shower, a lot. I got into the shower bordering on hysterical, and I just bawled and cried out to God, “Please take this fear and hurt from me!” It took less than a minute for my borderline hysterical behaviors and feelings to subside. I became calm, peaceful, and drained (quite frankly). I got into a position to try sleeping again. All I had to do is cry out to God. He took my pain and my fear. Sometimes, I just need that reminder to give it to him.