Transformation: A change in form, appearance, or use as defined by merriam-webster. I have been thrown this word multiple times recently. At the end of this month, I will be in Dallas at a conference entitled “Total Transformation”. I have been thinking about this word for a little while now and even more in the past few days. I look back on my life and realize the changes that have taken place around and within me. I have purposely made changes in my life where my personal and vocational surroundings have been changed. I grew up not believing that I would ever be married, nor did I want to be. If I thought of being married, it was to someone who was abusive and disrespectful. I have now been married for twenty years to a really good man who has never laid an abusive hand on me. I have made multiple changes, transformations, within myself. These have occurred largely over the past year and a half. I have given myself permission, even though it is hard at times, to understand and see my worth and value. I have given myself permission to allow others to care for and about me. I have given myself permission, and this has been the biggest transformation in my life, to allow God back into my life. I have struggled so long with questioning His existence. I questioned his love for me and often asked, “Why did you do this to me?!?!?!” A lot of questions like that left my mouth and my heart. I was angered with what God did not do for me. I was angered at the things He allowed to happen to me. This past year and a half, and mostly the past six months or so, has/have taught me things I never knew about God. He never did those bad things to me. That was someone else. I am more concentrated now on the things He has done for me rather than what He has not. God has his reasons for unanswered prayers. We may never know them. Some things are better left unknown. I know, now, that God’s love is never-ending and unconditional. He loves me regardless. He has never abandoned me even though I abandoned him multiple times. My transformation goes from being poorly handled by my earthly father(s) to understanding the love of my Heavenly Father.
Psalm 52:8b “I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever.” (NIV)
My Father brought me to one who has shown me a path back to Him. That is what my life has been about. Every slippery, dangerous slope to every smoothly paved road have I traveled. I have never traveled it alone. To God, I owe all my praise and thanks!