Many people in my life have left me. That started when I was eight years old, and my dad had to leave the house. He was not the last, that’s for sure. I have learned that people leave, and that is just a part of life. It is a sucky part of life. I have had best friends leave me which have hurt most of all. I currently fight the fear of doing something to make someone leave again. I have been promised over and over…and over that I will not be left. I DO believe the love of this person for me. I DO believe the commitment this person has with me. I DO believe the friendship this person has with me. I DO need to unlearn those familiar behaviors of others who have left. I need to give it all to God, and let Him put me in the perfect place with those in my life. I would absolutely have no heart left if particular individuals left me. That will not happen due to blatant promises. Promises from a Godly heart I so believe. I get scared sometimes. I have asked for patience in trying to be what I need to be to not blow this thing on my end. God, I need this fear to end. With my face to the ground I beg for the power to release this fear. Doubt, lack of trust, and so many other crappy things lead to dissipation of relationships. That is NOT where I want to live. I want to live in the comfort of knowing that I am loved, cared about, and treasured as a good person with a good heart. That is not up to me, totally. I can do nothing but be who I am. I am grateful I have people in my life who will be patient with me, who love me so much, that after my continuing education, they will still be around. Thank you, Father, for those people. Help me to not hurt others by the way others have hurt me. I refuse to walk away from what is so very good. I have so much to learn. I yearn for this education.
So much to learn