18 Nov

I see “FML” so much, and it makes me nauseated.  One event in a person’s day, and the next thing one will see on Facebook or Twitter is “FML!”  It is so disheartening that this is common usage in today’s society.    In the past couple of years, I have exhibited FML myself.  Read ahead for further explanation:

Following things, or people, that are no good for me?  That used to be me.  I used to change who I was to blend in with others.  I was quite unhappy with that.  However, it was all I knew to do.   I find myself being a stronger person, but I sometimes have flashes of the person I used to be.  I have followed others and ideas that I thought would be the most “popular.”  I have followed others and ideas that I thought would make me more loved (or loved at all).  I have followed others and ideas that have led me to do everything pleasing to Satan himself.  Poor self-esteem.  Poor social skills.  Poor coping skills.  I was drowning in a sea of “poors.”  I could blame everyone in my past, but I do not blame anyone.  I accept my behaviors and flaws as my own.  I was obeying and following Earthly things.  Multiple things had become my gods.   I hit rock bottom, and I will never forget what that felt like.   Money, alcohol, food, and a myriad of other things.  This is what the Bible says about that:

“If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed.”  Deuteronomy 8:19

My purpose in life has changed.  When I was little, my purpose was to survive all that was going on in my house.  When I was a teenager, my purpose was to find someone I trust and just scream and cry about what had happened, and what was continuing to happen with me.  My purpose after the teenager years was to simply be noticed and loved.  Keep in mind, I had no idea about real love.  I had synthetic love.  That, I knew.  It is like when I hear adolescents speaking about “fake marijuana” (K2).  The words I hear about K2 are, “scary,” “dangerous,” “deadly,” and “crazy.”  The “fake love” I was seeking was not any different.  K2 can kill a person.  “Fake love” can, too.  It almost killed me.  Fake, or false, love can devour you, regurgitate you, and leave you in a puddle and never think about you again.  Love to me was like a magic show.  I knew people were telling me, or showing me, what it was, but I just felt i

“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but
inwardly they are ferocious wolves.”  Matthew 7:15

Lord knows that I have done my share of shameful things.  I have done my share of embarrassing things.  But, the Lord knows that I have made a commitment to Him.  I have made up my mind to not follow or lend myself to Earthly things as they only push me down.  I have made up my mind to seek only real Love.  I know where that is.  I know that I am worth that kind of Love.  The world still feels like it is squarely upon my shoulders, at times.  I know that feeling does not have to last if I choose wisely.  God, my Father, is my provider.  God, my Father, is my redeemer.  God, my Father, is my life.  I fully understand that urge to throw my hands up in the air and just give up.  Where would that get me, though?  I know that I never have to face one second of my life alone as long as I depend on God to give me what I need.  Everyone I know could walk out of my life, and as much as that would be severely painful, I know that I would still have my God to hold me, love me, and keep each one of my tears in a bottle.  I have had multiple FML events and moments in forty-four years, but in the last two years, I have had different kinds of FML events and moments.

“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”  James 1:5

The different kind of FML events and moments for me?  Read the first word in each of the three paragraphs that use regular font after the underlined beginning.

God bless you.  Be mindful of those blessings given to you and be willing to share them with others.

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Posted by on November 18, 2012 in Uncategorized


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