Monthly Archives: September 2013

September 11, 2001

A tragic moment in time that most Americans never believed they would ever see.  Time stood still.  Tears fell.  Fear took over.  We asked ourselves, “Why?!”.  We asked ourselves, “How?!”.  We said that we would never forget what happened on that horrifying day.  On September 11, 2001, I was a senior in college.  I had a test in one of my classes.  I was unaware of what had happened as I took I-27 to school that morning.  I remember jamming out to Bon Jovi in my car.  Volume was turned up high, and I was clueless.  I got to school and walked into the JBK (Jack B. Kelley) Student Center on the campus of West Texas A&M University.  Everyone was quiet.  They were all gathered around the television, not saying a word.  I walked up to someone and asked what was going on.  She told me that a plane had been flown into the World Trade Center towers.  I lost my breath.  I immediately had that look on my face that everyone else did.  Jaw dropped to the floor.  Eyes tearing up as continued coverage was on television.  Then it happened.  The South tower collapsed.  The crowd of people surrounding the television let out a hauntingly, collective gasp.  Shock multiplied exponentially.  I remember one young lady saying that if anyone wanted to pray, they could go sit with her.  Nobody moved.  I do not believe that anyone could.  I know that I couldn’t.  The horror of what we had just witnessed was too much to process.  It was debilitating.  

Test time was coming up rather soon.  My mind was shattered by what I had just seen.  My heart broken and fractured more than I can even describe.  Now, I had to take a test?!  Needless to say that all of us had other things on our minds.  We took the test.  I am unaware of what others made on their tests, but I did not make the best of grades.  I had planned to discuss a retake with my professor, who was in Florida at the time and was unable to get back home for a long while.  I remember after the test I just walked around campus like a zombie.  It was eerily quiet.  No planes flying overhead.  Nobody running around, laughing with their friends.  I ran into a friend of mine.  It was good to see her.  We were both afraid.  We did not know what we needed to do regarding our children.  My daughters were 9 and 7 years old.  I wanted nothing more than to drive as fast as possible to get them and just hold on to them.  I did just that.  I gathered them up, and I just did not want to let go of them.  I took them home, and they asked me why I had been crying.  I explained to them, as much as possible, what happened.  I allowed them to watch what happened.  I explained that many people died, and that it was done out of hatred.  Being little kids, they listened and watched for a little while and went to play.  Oh, to have the innocence of those little girls that day.  They had no worries.  They felt bad for the people hurt and killed, but they had no worries.

I had a huge fear of hearing planes fly over my home for several days after that happened.  I would go into panic attacks, cry uncontrollably, and constantly check on my children to make sure they were safe in their beds at night.  

Today, I still feel sadness about hatred going on in this world.  I hear people saying things and posting things on Facebook about how they will never forget.  Yet, I’m sure some of those same people are the ones in security lines at the airport complaining that they have to stand there and wait.  That they have to get their carry-ons scanned and checked.  It seems that “I will never forget” is only applicable outside of the airport, ironically enough.  I am not a fan of standing in long lines, but I DO know why I have to.  I have no problem with being searched or patted down appropriately.  Why?  Because I WILL NEVER FORGET!  There is too much good in life to complain about someone trying to keep you safe.

Please, always remember that first plane hitting and then the second.  Always remember the plumes of smoke from the towers crumbling on top of innocent people.  Always remember the first responders who left family and friends behind by doing their jobs.  There is no good reason that we cannot be loving toward someone else on every other day.  We, as an entitled society, are so quick to judge and expect more for ourselves.  We believe we deserve special treatment for one reason or another.  We believe we have the right to treat people poorly when we do not get what we want.  Anger is a heavy burden that so many carry around for multiple reasons.  When is it going to be too heavy?  When is it time to put it down?  When is it time to start loving those around us whether or not we agree with their political, religious, or lifestyle beliefs?  Stop the hate.  Stop the anger.  Start caring, loving, and reaching out a hand to those in need.  

God bless you.

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Posted by on September 11, 2013 in Uncategorized


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Labor Day Week

To begin, I’m praying for God’s guidance as I type what I’m about to type.  I pray for comfort and peace for those about to read this.

On Labor Day, 1974 (give or take a year), my father said he had to take a call from work, which at the time was with AAA driving a tow truck.  I went with him on his call.  I do not remember there being an action of work from him.  What I do remember is a vivid, vulgar display of actions that my father perpetrated against me.  I remember being so afraid.  I also remember going home and acting like nothing had ever happened.  I dread every Labor Day.

I dreaded yesterday.  I had been doing well for the last couple of years regarding Labor Day.  However, new information that I obtained about my father several days before began to flood my thoughts.   I had not worked a “hot” holiday for work this year, so I had to work for a couple of hours, yesterday.  I met with a man who asked to speak to me specifically.  For those reading this who do not already know, I work in a psychiatric hospital.  I was listening to this man speak, and he during our time together, he spoke of being a registered sex offender due to molesting his own daughter.  “REALLY?!?!?!  TODAY, I HAD TO HEAR THIS?!?!?!,”  was my thought.  I froze up.  I went numb.  I’m pretty sure I dissociated for a split second.  I stayed professional.  I stayed ethical.  I prayed that God would take care of me during this time because I was too weak to do it myself.  I had a big hatchet wound busted wide open, and all I could do was cover it with a tiny Band-Aid.   God carried me through, yesterday.  He continues to do so, today.  I wanted to scream, cry, and crawl into a dark corner and be left alone.   I was afraid of a memory.  I was afraid of myself.  I prayed.  Hard.  Writing this, a scripture comes to my mind.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. — 2 Timothy 1:7

Yesterday, I was put to a test.  Satan intended to bury me under fear, shame, and guilt.  I resisted Satan.  I fought him wearing God’s armor.  I was victorious in the name of Jesus!

13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness.  15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.[d]16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.[e]17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  Ephesians 6: 13 – 18

This is how my week started.  Here is what I have left to face this week.

My youngest daughter, 19, is moving out at the end of the week.  Empty nest is already hitting me hard.  I have been a mother for 21 years.  That has been my primary job on this earth.  I raised my daughters to be independent, strong, and thriving women.  They are.  What was I thinking?!?!  When my oldest moved out, it tore my heart to shreds.  She moved so far away.  I thought it was going to kill me.  It took a long time for me not to cry when she would come visit and leave again.  This time, I’m facing the whole empty nest situation.  While my youngest is not moving 8 hours away, there will be an emptiness in my home.  In my heart.  She and I have had so much fun just hanging out together late at night and watching movies that made us laugh.  We would go driving around and just be silly.  We have done “just be silly” the best.  I will miss her not being in the house.  On the bright side, however, my husband and I get to start our life not having to raise children.  We have been blessed by the most loving daughters anyone could ever ask for.  Seeing our youngest leave, we will feel a sadness as it brings closure to what has been the majority of our lives.  We have raised her to leave the house.  We have raised her to be strong and independent.  We have done our job.  I can look forward to the rest of my life with my husband as we begin to grow in each other.  It does not make the empty nest event less sad or difficult, but it helps make the future look so inviting.  My husband and I can focus on being great parents to our adult children and being really great grandparents to our grandchildren.  This is what happens in life.  This is the order of things.  I am abundantly blessed by these gifts from God.  I pray my children turn to God for all their needs, concerns, and fears.  I pray that they practice thanksgiving everyday for what God has given them. 

I thank God for all of my experiences this week.  This life.  He entrusted me with more than I ever thought I could handle.  Yeah, He did not ask me if I wanted to be faced with all of my life events.  He simply gave them to me knowing what would happen.  Thank you, Father.

P.S.  My yesterday was brightened by time spent with my grandson.  There is always something better on the other side of “yuck”. 











































































































































































































































































































































































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Posted by on September 3, 2013 in Uncategorized


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