For a majority of my life, I have allowed so many people to take up space in my head. I have allowed so many toxic people and relationships to be my life’s navigation system. I am prepared to stop this. I do not have the energy it takes to keep those things fueled. Having these things lead on would be a conscious choice that I am just not willing to make any longer. We all have people and relationships in our lives that come and go. It’s sometimes the most important relationships in our lives that become the most venomous. These relationships could be with any number of people.
When I think of relationships, I think of safety, trust, hope, and love. Those are the places where people thrive. Something happens, however, when just one of those things is violated. As bad as it is when violations occur, I believe we tend to hold on to those things for dear life like a treasured piece of jewelry. Those transgressions become chains and locks that only bind us and hold us prisoners. Oddly enough, we are the ones holding the key, yet we choose not to use it.
We feel “comfortable” and become addicted to our own miseries. We feast on the illusion of control when he hold on to the darkness. Regardless of how heavy these miseries become, we refuse to set them down. The longer we carry them, the heavier they become. Still, we continue to drag them along as if they were surgically attached to our backs. Weariness sets in and instead of us cutting that line, we sit with them believing that we will be “OK” once we get rested.
It is necessary to cut that line. As difficult as it may be to cut the line, it’s even more liberating. Moving forward in freedom leads to contentment. We have a choice to be haunted by our past or to live liberated in the present. Those things, people, situations that have been parts of our past do not have to be the molds that form us for the future. Break the mold. Be who you were created to be. Let what has been done, be done. Let your ghosts become ancestors.
“Psychoanalysis is often about turning our ghosts into ancestors, even for patients who have not lost loved ones to death. We are often haunted by important relationships from the past that influence us unconsciously in the present. As we work them through, they go from haunting us to becoming simply part of our history.” — Norman Doidge