So, I woke this morning feeling very teary due to a nightmare I had. In my nightmare, I was at work (which didn’t really look like my work) when I began to hear panic ringing through every hallway. I begin to go and find out what is happening, and I am informed that there are people in the building with guns and knives. I hear the gunshots blasting and people screaming. My anxiety level rises, but I stay calm.
Now, in my nightmare, I am visiting with my youngest daughter. She had come to visit with me, but she didn’t look like she was twenty-one years old. She looked like a little girl. When I started hearing the commotion in the hospital, I pulled my daughter down to the ground and had her lie flat to protect her. I looked up and there were police officers firing off rounds in the direction of those trying to harm others. My daughter started trying to get away by pulling herself, as she was still face down on the floor, down the hallway. As she is halfway down the hall, two individuals with guns come out in the direction she was heading. I was so afraid, so I grabbed a handgun, and I pointed it out toward the two individuals dressed all in black with blank expressions. I squeezed the trigger. Everything was in slow motion at this point. I could see the bullet leaving the chamber, through the barrel, and down to hallway. My daughter looked back at me, and she just smiled like everything was ok. I could still see the bullet traveling in slow motion, and it was headed right between the eyes of the male standing at the end of the hall. I was so happy! I was saving my daughter! Then it happened. The bullet drops right out of the air and into the back of my daughter’s left leg. Right above the bend of the knee, the bullet entered. I could see the entry wound. The individuals at the end of the hallway smiled big. I was devastated. The only thing I wanted to do was protect my daughter, and I ended up wounding her. Oy!
The scene changed, but I had gotten my daughter out of the hallway. Some time had obviously passed, and it looked like a scene from some school shooting. Parents were outside of the hospital crying and in shock. Then it happened, again. Alarms started going off because another person was in the hospital attempting to harm people. I told my daughter to just run to the restaurant that was a small distance away. I wanted to keep her safe. She ran to the restaurant and stayed there while I dealt with the danger.
I woke up soon after this.
As I sat on the side of my bed, I thought about the nightmare. I usually try to find some reason or lesson in what I had dreams or nightmares about. I thought, “Ok, what does this mean to you in real life time?” Well, I thought about it, and I came to the conclusion that sometimes when we want to protect our kids so much, we can be the ones who end up hurting them the most.
I don’t ever want to hurt my daughters. I can only protect them by praying for them and talking to them about the dangers in any situations. I, also, have to understand that human beings must learn by doing. We have all had people tell us why we shouldn’t do this or that, but we have done things that we probably should not have done anyway. We had to find out the hard way. As a loving mother, I want to try to shelter my kids from finding out things the hard way. They have to, though. There is a lesson to be learned in every single thing that we do. I have to let my kids learn their lessons. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them. I love them with my entire being. I just have to understand that me trying to be protective, or overprotective, can sometimes do more harm than good.
I want my kids to listen to God. To trust God. To do what is right by God.
Sigh…….I want to listen to God. To trust God. To do what is right by God. I have to trust that God will take care of my daughters at every turn. I don’t get to pick and choose when I trust Him. I have to ALWAYS trust Him. It’s a difficult task when it comes to my kids. But, if I believe in God’s word, love, grace, mercy, faithfulness, then I have to believe that He will take care of them in every situation where I feel afraid. I have to.
I. HAVE. TO.